The experience you made is part of who you are and what you wanted to experience. It made you the current person. There is no need to be ashamed.
The need to feel desired is natural. To be desired is something beautiful, desire can be sexual and physical or something you feel deep in your heart. Love. There is nothing wrong in wanting to be desired in all these kind of ways. The fact that you enjoy being desired is normal. And I am sure if time goes by, your desire will develop into love. And you will accept it. So no need to be ashamed of wanting to be desired and searching for it. Enjoy the journey. No need to be ashamed of your past. As it made you who you are now.
Nothing satisfies you as good as your fantasy, except when dreams come true, you never knew you were dreaming about. Fulfilling your desires will not mean you will feel satisfied. Before you know it you will desire the next best thing.
Sexual passion is fueled by unfulfilled desires. If you have seen it all you will loose your passion. But you have to live some desires, experience some to keep your passion alive.